Sep 11, 2021

[we've been thinking]

Sep 11, 2021

Turning 30: 5 things i'd tell my younger self

Today I turned 30… I’ve never really been one who has been overly focused on age. I love my birthday, always have but it’s never really been about the number of candles on my cake.



This year however, feels a whole load different. Leading up to this day I’ve felt full of anticipation and I’m not exactly sure why. Perhaps it’s because I’ve watched plenty of my friends turn 30 before me,  seen them dread the date with morbid statements of, “oh I’m getting old and I should’ve achieved more by now.” Perhaps it’s because for women in particular, it has historically been the point at which we’re pressured to have it ‘all together’, as that biological clock starts to tick. It marks an age of achievement, ambition but most horrifically, personal and societal expectations all rolled into one.



In contrast, this birthday feels more like a bench mark for me because this past year of my life has been the most transformative. My 30th year around the sun can absolutely be classified as my most painful, most eye-opening, most healing and hardest year of my life.



This time last year I was burnt out, broken, unhappy, insecure and completely unsure of myself. I felt like I was floating through life ticking all the boxes that I should, not understanding why feelings of contentment, peace and happiness weren’t emerging.



Then nine months ago, my life changed. I ended up in hospital from a Dissociative Panic Attack, essentially caused by burnout and exhaustion. This will forever be marked in my soul as the day that I decided I no longer wanted to suffer and that I would do whatever I needed in order to make that happen. After my hospital stint, I worked on confronting my demons, confronting almost 20 years of anxiety and pain. I was formally diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well as Depression, I was put on medication and began the process of seeing a therapist. Medication and Therapy were very important starting points for my journey. They opened up an incredible amount locked doors and have helped to understand many aspects of my life so that those doors may be unlocked and the thresholds confronted. However the most profound part of my healing journey has been letting go of everything that I thought that I needed to be, foregoing all expectations of my life and all the people around me and slowing down. I decided to go off my medication, to feel all the feels again, but this time with a whole new headspace. This has begun a process of complete awakening and a process of falling in love again, this time with myself.


This past year has been the most incredible year of my life and as I turn 30 I cannot help but reminisce. I no longer have formal employment, I freelance in a myriad of ways, I don’t have a strict daily schedule, I own very little in the way of items, I don’t own a car and I technically don’t even have a home. By all outward appearances my current lifestyle looks “unsettled” yet inwardly, I feel more at peace, more settled than ever.


In this past decade of my life I have come to realise many things, and if I could have a conversation with 15, 18, 20 year old Sarah, this is what I would have to say: 

1. There are no rules.

The rules don’t exist. You have made them up in your head from your own predetermined ideas of what you think society needs you to be. Be still, sit with yourself and you will see that the world is wide open. The rules don’t exist. There is no one you NEED to be.

2. Lean into the people who love you.

You have the most beautiful support system, they are not the ones with the expectations. Be honest with them and trust them. They want nothing but your joy and presence in this life.

3. You have so much love to give. Give it unconditionally.

This life is not about keeping score. You are full of love and need to let that love be felt by others. There is no need to attach conditions to that love nor to judge. This includes the love you have for yourself. You are doing the best you can, in the best way you know how.

4. You don't need "fixing."

The world is a beautiful place by just your presence, and you never needed to be “fixed.” Your anxiety never needed to be destroyed. Healing is much more about peeling back the layers, to find out who you were, before you let society tell you who you needed to be. Be kind to yourself, stop the judgement. You are incredible.

5. Trust your instincts

You my darling, have the most incredible inner voice, your gut feeling and instincts have yet to lead you astray. Be still, sit with yourself. The answers are always there. Listen to your Self.


So here I am, 30 years old, so excited to be this age, and so filled with gratitude and joy that I get to live this life. No feelings of “oh my gosh I am old” for me. Like all ages, 30 is a beautiful one. And I can honestly say, that if the rest of my 30’s keep going the way these past few months have gone, I truly am in for a beautiful, wild ride. This birthday feels like an incredible gift from the universe, telling me, “girl you’re doing so good, keep going, your best days are yet to come.” I honestly feel like the most authentic version of me is emerging and I am so exhilarated to see who she becomes.

Stay Adventurous, Keep Exploring and Play More. 

Until Next time, Sarah. 


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